Human Design and Dating

Dating strategies for your type

A Projector and Manifestor walk into a bar… Are singles still going to bars to meet? Let’s put it this way: you’re single, looking to mingle, and walk into a party. What’s your best dating strategy according to your Human Design?

There are five types in Human Design and each one has a specific strategy for exchanges with others, including dating. Though it won’t make you rejection-proof, following the strategy of your type can make dating a whole lot easier.

Here’s a guide to dating according to your type, both IRL and online.

1) Generator strategy: wait for your gut to light up

Generators are designed to wait and see what shows up in their world, including people, instead of pursuing or chasing after things. When a Generator walks into a party, it’s a great opportunity for them to be open to what shows up (versus the plan they’ve made in their head).

The traditional strategy for Generators is to wait for a gut response. So when they see someone across the room who lights them up in a full-bodied yes that’s a signal to go for it! Then a Generator can start a convo, flirt, and explore the option even though they don’t know where it’s going.

It’s easy for the mind to talk Generators out of their gut instinct. But he doesn’t have a good job, she seems into herself, they’re not my type, etc. If you’re a Generator, the right person for you to date is someone you feel excited by, or experience a visceral pull towards, not someone who meets your mental checklist (awesome if they do both!).

Remember, gut instinct is not a rational one. It’s as simple as a traffic light: go, stop, hesitate. It will direct you towards what’s right for you and away from what’s not without explanation. If there’s hesitation, that means “not yet.” The more you can trust your gut, the more satisfying dating will be.

Online dating for Generators: So let’s say no one exciting is popping up in your 3D reality and you’ve been making the effort to get out into the world (aka off your couch). Dating apps can work great for you because they give you something to respond to. And you have permission to swipe fast as long as you’re connected to your gut response. Pay attention to your subtle bodily movements: do you lean in when you see this profile or does your body contract? It’s that simple. Note: If online dating feels draining or doesn’t excite you, that’s a signal from your gut response that it’s not right for you at this time.

2) Manifesting Generator strategy: wait for your gut to light up + course correct as needed

Manifesting Generators are fast movers, so when they walk into a party they might want to take action right away or have a set plan of action. However, it’s best to be patient — not their natural inclination! — and follow the strategy of Generators: wait to see who lights them up. Manifesting Generators, everything written above about Generators applies to you too. The gut response is in the body, not the mind, so it’s important not to let thoughts override who the gut is vibing.

Once a Manifesting Generator approaches someone, it’s okay if they’re no longer feeling it once the convo gets going. Instead of sticking it out, it’s best for Manifesting Generators to politely inform the other person that they’re moving on. It can also help Manifesting Generators to imagine what it would feel like to talk to Xyz person before they take action.

If you’re a Manifesting Generator, don’t stay in an interaction with or date someone out of guilt. Course correct when someone is feeling draining or no longer lights that fire in your belly. But also don’t ghost them, which can be your tendency! Informing the person or people who will be impacted by your pivot—no matter how insignificantly in your opinion—will bring more harmony into your dating life and attract better opportunities.

Online dating for Manifesting Generators: Online dating can work well for you because it satisfies your urge to take action while also giving your gut response a chance to chime in on the options that pop up on the screen. Note: If online dating feels draining or doesn’t excite you, that’s a signal from your gut response that it’s not the right thing for you at this time.

3) Projector strategy: make yourself visible + wait to be approached

Projectors are here to be seen but not here to make the first move. When a Projector walks into a party, they can trust that their presence is noticed. Sure, they can be a wallflower and prefer to quietly observe the others in the room. But as long as Projectors are visible, it allows others to approach them which is an energetically correct dynamic.

The traditional Projector strategy is to wait for the invitation. In dating, this looks like waiting for others to ask you out. If you’re a Projector and see someone cute, feel free to put yourself in their line of vision. It’s okay to let someone know you’re interested by giving them an energetic green flag, such as flirty eye contact or a smile.

If you’re a Projector and feeling bitter about dating, it might be because you’ve engaged in behaviors that aren’t a correct use of your energy — not to mention draining — such as pursuing or chasing someone or trying to get attention. It also might be because you’re saying yes to every person who asks you out, even if you don’t feel seen by them. Recognition is vital for Projectors. In dating, this looks like being deeply seen and valued for who you uniquely are, not just surface-level attraction.

Let’s say you’re feeling invited to be yourself (aka deep recognition) by someone you’ve met but they’re not asking you out. You can lean into what’s called an “energetic invitation.” Express that you’d love to hang out sometime or that you’re interested in exploring the connection.

Online dating for Projectors: On one hand, dating apps are an excellent way for you to make yourself visible. On the other hand, dating apps can be overwhelming. You’re very sensitive to other people’s energy—it’s one of your greatest gifts—and swiping through profiles can be overstimulating and lead to overzealousness (Projectors’ Achilles heel). Also, the apps are not the best setup to be seen for your authentic self. Note: If you’re a Projector and dating apps feel aligned, wait for your match to spark the conversation as well as initiate the first date.

4) Manifestor strategy: follow your desires + make the first move

The best strategy for a Manifestor is to follow their urges, meaning, an impulse that occurs out of the blue to do something. For example, it could be an urge to go to their neighborhood bar or maybe an inkling to call their grade-school crush. Manifestors don’t need anything in the external world to spur action. They can just act on their desires.

While this may sound enviable to the other energy types, it can set up Manifestors for rejection because they are here to make first moves. If you’re a Manifestor, be brave and approach the person that you want at a party. Waiting to be approached because you’re afraid of rejection isn’t how you’re designed to operate. Your best dating experiences will come from taking bold action, which could be as simple as striking up a conversation with someone you want to talk to or sliding into a DM.

In dating, to experience the most harmony, it’s all about communication. If you go on a first date with someone and aren’t interested, don’t ghost. Inform them that you’re not feeling a romantic connection. On the flip side, if you’re interested, ask them out again. Tell them you want to go home with them. Manifestors get to be this direct! If you’re feeling a lot of anger in the dating process, it might be because you’re not doing things your way (including how this author tells you to date).

Online dating for Manifestors: If you have the urge to download a dating app, follow it even though you don’t know where it’ll take you. Just watch overdoing it (i.e. swiping into the wee hours of the morning). You need rest and often when resting your best ideas come. Those are the ideas to take action on, even the off-the-wall ones. Note: If you decide to go on the apps, they’ll work best if you start the convo and initiate meeting up.

5) Reflector strategy: wait to be approached in a good-feeling space

A Reflector walks into a party and walks out because the vibe isn’t right. The best opportunities come to Reflectors when they’re in the right place. So if you’re a Reflector and don’t like the space or company you’re in, it’s wise to change locations. That’s when you’ll encounter the right people and experiences for you.

Traditionally, Reflectors are designed to be in the center of their community to reflect its well-being. As a result, Reflectors may feel they need to fight to be the center of attention or to be noticed. But like Projectors, Reflectors should wait to be approached and asked out.

Once asked out, Reflectors need to go at their own pace and not rush into a relationship. Talk it out with your most trustworthy friends if you're a Reflector. Because you amplify the energy of those around you, choose friends who have a positive, healthy attitude about dating. On dates, choose your meeting place. If you’re someplace that feels good to you, there’s more potential for magic. Lastly, take at least a month before committing.

Also, it’s vital to feel deeply recognized by the person you’re dating. You can experience a lot of disappointment if you don’t feel seen and valued for your uniqueness.

Online dating for Reflectors: Because Reflectors need to move their energy around and sample different spaces and people, being on a few dating apps potentially could offer that. However, Reflectors are very sensitive and take in a lot of the energy they’re around, so it could also feel too much to be on apps. Note: If you’re a Reflector and a dating app feels good to you, wait for your match to spark the conversation as well as initiate the first date.

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If dating is challenging, book a one-on-one reading with me to learn more about how your Human Design can help you find love.